THE SHOP

HERE IS A PREVIEW OF THE MARKET WE ARE BUYING. IT STILL NEEDS A LOT OF WORK, BUT IT WILL BE OURS! NO MORE JACKASS BOSSES...EVER.

Who is the Villain?

IMAGINE MY SHOCK AND DISMAY WHEN MY ILLUSTRIOUS EMPLOYER DISCHARGED ME... NOW, IMAGINE MY HORROR ON CHRISTMAS EVE WHEN THE UNEMPLOYMENT DEPARTMENT SENT ME A LETTER STATING THAT MY CLAIM WAS DENIED BECAUSE I WAS "DISCHARGED FROM YOUR LAST JOB WITH CUSTOM DESIGN AND DESTRUCT (YES, THEY ACTUALLY MADE THIS BRILLIANT TYPOGRAPHICAL ERROR) BECAUSE YOU KNOWINGLY ENTERED FALSE INFORMATION ON A TIME CARD". I WAS DISCHARGED FOR MISCONDUCT! DON'T YOU THINK THEY SHOULD HAVE THE BALLS TO TELL ME THEY SUSPECTED MY MISCONDUCT UPON FIRING?

WOW AND DOUBLE WOW. SO, WHAT KIND OF RETRIBUTION SHOULD THERE BE? IS THIS SLANDER? I THINK SO!!!!!

PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK I SHOULD DO.... IS THIS FOR REAL? HAVE I BEEN PUNKED? WILL THE REAL VILLAIN PLEASE STAND UP?????

BOYS WILL BE BOYS!

SO I GOT MY FIRST DOSE OF HAVING A BOY. TODAY I SPENT 5 HOURS IN THE HOSPITAL WITH MY SON NOAH "THE MONKEY BOY" HEDDING. HE SEEMS TO THINK THAT STANDING ON THE COFFEE TABLE AND JUMPING ONTO THE COUCH IS NOT ONLY FUN BUT RECOMMENDED PLAY FOR A 2 YEAR OLD.

THE DOCTORS THOUGHT HE BROKE HIS WRIST AS HE WOULD NOT MOVE HIS HAND AT ALL. (THE ACCIDENT HAPPENED YESTERDAY) BUT AFTER 4 X RAYS THEY FINALLY DIAGNOSED HIM WITH DISLOCATION OF PROXIMAL RADIUS AND MUSCULO-SKELETAL PAIN. BETTER KNOWN AS OWWIE. THE DOCTOR POPPED HIS ELBOW BACK IN THE SOCKET, GAVE HIM MOTRIN, AND SAID HAVE A NICE DAY!

WE HAVE BEEN HOME APPROXIMATELY 22 MINUTES AND HE IS BACK IN THE HABIT & ALREADY RUNNING AMOK. WHAT IS THE MOTHER'S LITTLE HELPER OF THE 2000'S?

WELL IF THINGS GO IN THREES (PLEASE LET THIS BE THE LAST OF IT!), WERE DONE. MAY THE RAIN STILL COME DOWN. BUT BRING ME A RAINBOW ONCE IN A WHILE!

THE TWISTING, TURNING ROAD

SO, I'M SURE A FEW OF YOU MIGHT BE WONDERING WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON.

I WENT BACK TO WORK AFTER THE GAME SHOW FIASCO AND I GOT FIRED. MERRY F-ING CHRISTMAS! NO EXPLANATION, NO SEVERANCE. WHAT KIND AND GENTLE SOULS!

REGROUP # 2 -
AMAZING HOW THIS WORKS. ANY LESSER ABLE BODY MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO HANG ON WITH THEIR WORLD SPINNING SO QUICKLY. LUCKILY I AM A PRETTY GOOD BULL RIDER (MECHANICAL) AND CAN DIG IN & HOLD ON FOR THE RIDE.

FRIDAY, I IMMEDIATELY WENT TO WORK WITH MY HUSBAND AND STARTED HELPING HIM WITH THE ESTIMATES FOR CLEANING UP THE MALIBU FIRES. THEN WENT HOME, FILED FOR UNEMPLOYMENT, AND RESPONDED TO 20 JOB OPENINGS ON THE INTERNET.

THEN, ON MONDAY, I LEFT TO GO TO MADERA AND LOOK INTO SOME PROPERTY LINE AND ROAD ISSUES. IT WAS ON THIS TRIP THAT THE CHANGE IN THE AIR I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR WAS TRULY REVEALED. THE NEIGHBORHOOD BAIT SHOP, COUNTRY STORE, DELI WAS FOR SALE. YADDA,YADDA,YADDA, BING, BANG, BOOM.... WE OPENED ESCROW ON TUESDAY.

I, LADIES & GENLTLEMEN, WILL BE THE NEW PROPREITOR OF THE TACKLE BOX TOO!

GOD LIGHTING

WOW, WHAT A WEEK!


SO I PUT MYSELF OUT THERE ONCE AGAIN, AND IT CAME TO PASS THAT THIS IS ALSO NOT THE PATH FOR ME. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE SCRATCHING THEIR HEADS, I GOT BUMPED FROM THE SHOW.

THERAPY:
1) IMMEDIATELY DRINK SEVERAL JACK & COKES.

2) NEXT DAY: SPENT THE ENTIRE DAY SLEEPING & EATING THE MOST DISGUSTING THINGS I COULD FIND IN THE FRIDGE, FREEZER, & BACK OF THE CUPBOARDS. I HONESTLY DIDN'T KNOW PEANUT BRITTLE COULD LAST THAT LONG!

3) GET MY ASS BACK TO WORK.

4) TRY NOT TO ENGAGE IN CONVERSATION. SOMETIMES IT IS NOT BETTER TO TELL THE TRUTH THAN BE SILENT.

5) LOOK FOR NEW MOTIVATION.

I AM CURRENTLY STILL ON #5.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:

TAKE ACTION! YOU CANNOT DISCOVER NEW OCEANS UNLESS YOU HAVE THE COURAGE TO LOSE SIGHT OF THE SHORE.

IF YOU HAVE ANY REALLY GOOD THERAPY THAT DOES NOT INVOLVE SOMETHING ILLEGAL, IMMORAL(I AM MARRIED), OR WELL, I ALREADY DID THE FATTENING PART, LET ME KNOW....

I AM STILL LOOKING FOR THAT NEXT BIG THING. I CAN GET DOWN, BUT I WON'T LET IT KEEP ME DOWN.

NEWS FLASH!!!! MY LOVING HUSBAND SENT ROSES AND LILLIES TO MY WORK JUST NOW.

SEE... IT'S GETTING BETTER ALREADY. :)

AND WE'RE OFF!!!

WELL KIDS... I FINALLY GOT THE CALL FROM DUEL. I HAVE TO REPORT FOR SEQUESTERING SUNDAY. THE CHANCE TO WIN 2 MILLION DOLLARS!

I'M GONNA INGEST A WHOLE LOT OF GINKO BILOBA. AND STUDY MY ASS OFF!

KEEP SENDING THE VIBES! LOVE YA!

ELFING FUNNY!

MY DARLING FRIEND LAURA SENT THIS TO ME. I THOUGHT IT WAS PRETTY FUNNY TIL I PUT MY FAMILY IN AND LAUGHED MY ASS OFF. THIS IS A MUST DO FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO, LIKE ME, NEED A KICK IN THE PANTS TO GET IN THE HOLIDAY SPIRIT.
http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=9557345668

THE SUSPENSE IS TERRIBLE!... I HOPE IT WILL LAST.

MY FUTURE IS AT HAND

COUNTDOWN TO THE DECISION. SO, I GOT THE CONTRACT FOR THE GAME SHOW LAST NIGHT. IT HAS TO BE IN BY WED. I READ IT THOROUGHLY & FRETTED ABOUT WHETHER I WOULD BE ABLE TO MAKE APPEARANCES IN ANY OTHER MEDIA IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS. THE CONTRACT STATES I CAN'T WITHOUT WRITTEN CONSENT. THERE GOES MY CAREER AS A PLAYBOY BUNNY! LOL.

I FAXED IT TODAY AND THEY CALLED ME TO TELL ME THAT THE DECISION WILL BE MADE IN THE NEXT 24 HOURS. THEY ALSO SAID I HAVE A LOT OF FANS AT THE PRODUCTION COMPANY ( A LITTLE INSIDE INFO).

TALK ABOUT YOU THOUGHTS SCATTERING! WHAT SHALL I WEAR? WHAT DO I NEED TO BRING? WHAT SHOULD I STUDY? WHAT CAN I DO @ WORK TO MAKE SURE EVERYTHING IS COMPLETE BEFORE I GO? DO I NEED TO GO GROCERY SHOPPING? SHOULD THE NANNY STAY AT THE HOUSE?

THE ANSWER... I HOPE... BREATHE. I SPENT MOST OF MY LIFE AIMING FOR THE CHANCE TO CHANGE MY FAMILY'S FUTURE. NOW THE FUTURE IS AT HAND.

I PRAY THAT I HAVE DONE EVERYTHING TO MAKE MYSELF READY.

ALBERT CAYMUS WROTE: "THE ESSENTIAL THING IN LIFE IS TO ALLOW YOURSELF EVERYTHING".

I HAVE ALWAYS TRIED EVERTYHING. NOW IT IS TIME TO DO.

WISH ME LUCK!

GAME SHOW JUNKIE

America’s Next Great Game Show.

If you've spent years watching game shows, yelling at the television "everyone knows the answer to that!", then get off the couch: this is the opportunity for you!

SO, I AM STILL TRING TO GET ON THE NEXT BIG GAME SHOW.

THIS GAME SHOW SEASON HAS SHOWN TO BE QUITE PROMISIING THOUGH. I GOT ON A FOX DAYTIME ONE CALLED TEMPTATION(THE NEW SALE OF THE CENTURY), AND WON SOME PRIZES VALUED AT APPROXIMATELY $5,200 DOLLARS. GUCCI SUNGLASSES AND 3 TICKETS TO FLY ANYWHERE CHEAP TICKETS GOES IN THE U.S., SOME PEARL JEWELRY, AND SHOES. SO IF ANY OF YOU GET A GIFT FROM ME RESEMBLING ANY OF THESE PRIZES, PLEASE DON'T LOOK A GIFT HORSE IN THE MOUTH.

I ALSO HAVE ONE NEW ONE. IT'S CALLED DUEL, IT'S ON ABC, & IT IS A 2 MILLION DOLLAR PRIZE. I INTERVIEWED WITH THEM IN OCTOBER, THEY CALLED ME 2 HOURS LATER AND ASKED ME TO COME BACK. I MET WITH A CASTING DIRECTOR AND THEN INTERVIEWED ON CAMERA.

SINCE THEN I HAVE SPOKEN TO 8 DIFFERENT PEOPLE FROM THEIR PRODUCTION AND FILLED OUT 50 PAGES OF BACKGROUND INFO AND LEGAL MUM BO JUMBO. HAVE YOU EVER, OR DO YOU KNOW ANYONE WHO HAS POSSESSED ILLEGAL DRUGS?

WELL, THEY CALLED ME YESTERDAY AND SAID THEY WERE SENDING ME A CONTRACT. THEN SAID THAT THERE IS STILL A CHANCE I MIGHT NOT GET ON...??? IT STARTS SHOOTING ON THE 25TH AND HAS AN 8 DAY SHOOT FROM SUNDAY TO SUNDAY. SO THEY'D BETTER GET MOVING!

PLEASE SEND ME AS MUCH GOOD ENERGY AND KARMA AS YOU CAN MUSTER. SUSTAINING EXCITEMENT FOR 2 MONTHS IS GETTING DIFFICULT!

LEAGUE PLAY

WELL 50:50 IS BETTER THAN AN 0 FOR. LAST NIGHT... HMMMNNN...

SOMEHOW I HAVE BEGUN TO PUT A LOT OF MENTAL PREPARATION INTO MY LEAGUE PLAY. WELL IT'S NOT LIKE I'M PUTTING EFFORT INTO MY POOL GAME.

SO I GIVE 2 GAMES AWAY TO 2 GOOD PLAYERS THAT I USUALLY BEAT. MY MENTAL GAME/CRABBINESS GOES AWAY AFTER 3 BEERS & I START TO ACTUALLY PLAY!

FUNNY HOW I USED TO JUST GO FOR IT AND PLAY THE TABLE. NOW THE WHOLE GAME HAS CHANGED. PEOPLE PLAY SAFETIES UNTIL THEY WEAR YOU DOWN, LUCKY FOR ME I HAVE SOMEHOW GOTTEN MORE PATIENCE WITH AGE. I END UP BEATING THE NEXT 2.

ONE OF THEM REALLY GAVE ME A RUN FOR MY MONEY THOUGH. LUCKILY, I DIDN'T OVER THINK IT. WE PLAYED A 45 MINUTE GAME. (FOR THE NOVICES A GAME USUALLY LASTS 15 MINUTES.) I DID THE HIGHLY UNUSUAL FOR ME AND PLAYED A SAFETY BEFORE ONE WAS PLAYED ON ME. THEN, THE FUN PART CAME IN. I BEGAN BANKING HER BALLS(TRY TO CONCEIVE THAT ONE OUT OF CONTEXT) AND GIVING HER BALL IN HAND FOR THE NEXT 10 SHOTS. LUCKILY, PEOPLE WHO USUALLY PLAY SAFETIES ARE NOT ONES WHO TRY SHOTS FOR THE THRILL. SHE SAFETIED HERSELF OUT AND I ENDED UP GETTING A SHOT AND SEALING THE DEAL. LATER, ONE OF HER TEAM MATES SAID I CALLED HER SOMETHING RUDE... SADLY TO SAY I WAS TALKING ABOUT THE BALLS AND NOT HER PERSONALLY.

ODE TO KARAOKE: SPILL THE WINE :)

I LOVE IT WHEN A PLAN COMES TOGETHER.

LEARN TO SHOW MERCY

I THINK I AM GROWING AS A PERSON. THREE STEPS FORWARD(GOOD) TWO STEPS BACK (OOPS). THIS SEEMS TO HAPPEN MONTHLY ON A CRABBY VS. TIRED BASIS.

THERE IS A GIRL IN MY OFFICE THAT HAS A DAILY CALENDAR FROM JOYCE MEYER WITH THOUGHTS FOR THE DAY. TODAY'S LESSON IS "LEARN TO SHOW MERCY". TO FOLLOW IS THE PRAYER, THEN I'LL TELL YOU WHY I NEED IT.

WE NEED TO BE ABLE TO SHOW MERCY TO OTHERS AND NOT BE LEGALISTIC, RIGID, AND HARD TO PLEASE. THE SPIRIT OF GOD IS PATIENT, LONG SUFFERING, FORBEARING AND SLOW TO ANGER. WHEN WE ASK HIM.....BLAH BLAH..... WE HAVE HIS SPIRIT IN US, AND WITH HIS HELP WE CAN LEARN TO BEHAVE THE WAY HE WOULD IN RELATIONSHIPS.

MY HUSBAND SLEPT ON THE COUCH LAST NIGHT AS HE WAS OUT WITH THE BOYS AND DIDN'T WANT TO DISTURB ME. I WENT TO THE GYM @ 5 AS PER USUAL AND LEFT HIM THERE. WHEN I RETURNED HE WENT UP STAIRS AND LAID DOWN. I'LL TELL YOU THE NASTY CRAP THAT WAS GOING THROUGH MY HEAD WOULD END A LESSER RELATIONSHIP.

I THEN PROCEEDED TO CUSS OUT EVERY BUTT HEAD FROM MY HOUSE TO WORK FOR INFRINGING ON MY ROAD GIVEN SPACE.

EVERY PEDESTRIAN BEWARE! SO, IF YOU ARE IN L.A. TODAY LOOK OUT FOR THE SILVER CHRYSLER.

DON'T WORRY! THIS MOOD TOO SHALL PASS.

The Lightness of Being

So, This is the image I chose for my New Year's resolution last year. I pasted it on my Belief board and look at it often.

I then joined the gym(OK 7 months later, but still). I now work out 5 days a week @ 5 am. I gained a total of 6 pounds in 4 months! I know, I know, some of this is muscle. But, some of it is fat!

Eating has become an obsession. Drinking beer has never been more enjoyable. Chocolate now seems much more acceptable than ever. I ask you, what happened to my will of steel?

I guess it really is true that when you hit 35 your metabolism slows way down. That's OK My husband still either thinks I'm hot or does a really good job of faking it.

THE WAY THAT YOU USE IT

MY GOOD FRIEND SAL SENT ME A LINK TO ERIC CLAPTON'S THE WAY THAT YOU USE IT VIDEO. IT FEATURES CLIPS FROM THE COLOR OF MONEY. WOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN I LOVED HAVING THAT RAW ENERGY WHEN PLAYING POOL.

I WAS ONCE (AT LEAST IN MY HEAD) VINCENT. I'D WALK INTO A PLACE LIKE A SNEAK ATTACK, SIT QUIETLY, AND FIND THE PERSON TO BEAT IN THE ROOM. THEN, MOSTLY WITHOUT FAIL, KICK THE CRAP OUT OF THEM. AAHHH, WHAT A RUSH.

ONE OF LAURA'S FAVORITE STORIES: WE (THE GIRLS) WERE IN A DIVE BAR THAT WITH THE EXCEPTION OF US, THE PATRONS COLLECTIVELY HAD THE EQUIVALENT OF ONE FULL SET OF TEETH. I WAS RUNNING THE TABLE FOR ABOUT 4 HOURS AND WE WERE ABOUT TO LEAVE. ONE GUY CAME UP TO ME AND BEGGED ME TO STAY SAYING HE'D WAITED 2 HOURS TO PLAY ME. "JUST ONE QUICK GAME" HE PLEADED. I AGREED AND BROKE THE BALLS AND RAN OUT. I THANKED HIM FOR THE GAME AND GATHERED MY THINGS. AS WE WERE WALKING OUT, SWEET LAURA SMILES AND SAYS "WAS THAT QUICK ENOUGH?" I DO LOVE HER.

THINKING ABOUT IT GETS MY ENERGY PUMPING THOUGH ! I STILL THINK I COULD BE GOOD. ENJOY THE VIDEO. I DID
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7_Ldy1XDOU

Psychic Appointment

So, my loving husband gave me the weekend off. Wow!!! I really needed it!

I went to San Luis Obisbo to visit a friend and went to a spiritual/craft fair thingy. I found a couple of really cool necklaces. Sidenote: How is it that people can charge so much money for a polished rock?

Anyway we decidied to get our cards read by a psychic. I was feeling pretty good going in as I have a ton of irons in the fire and was excited to see if the lady would tell me which ones might pan out. Then she goes into this trance state talking to the spirits and thanking them for their 2 cents. She ends up pulling 5 cards for me and tells me that each of the spirits is telling me to LET IT GO. Apparently the spirits know me well enough to discern that I like to have things my way. Understatement of the year. :) She did mention change though (which I LOVE) But it was still based on LETTING IT GO.

I then spent much of my day breathing and trying to be HERE NOW. Have you ever tried to do this? It really takes practice not to think about whether you watered the plants before you left, or what you will say when that game show finally calls you back.

Best bet and easiest way to stay in the moment:

1. Drink wine.

2. Play PS2 Sing star Karkoke.

LESSON LEARNED: Have fun being. You have no control over lthe future, or the past.

I still hope the game show will call though.

JUST LIKE "YOU'VE GOT MAIL"

I AM SERIOUSLY GETTING A RUSH FROM SEEING WHO'S LOOKING @ MY BLOG. WHO KNEW THIS WOULD BE SUCH A KICK! HAVING THE NEO COUNTER IS THE COOLEST THING EVER. HEY THERE DUBLIN!

LIKE MEG RYAN SNEAKING TO HER COMPUTER, I'VE FOUND MYSELF CHECKING MY BLOG SEVERAL TIMES A DAY TOO SEE WHERE PEOPLE WHO HAVE SEEN IT ARE. ONLY 2 DAYS OLD AND ALREADY AN OBSESSION! :)

IT'S KIND OF LIKE THAT DREAM WHERE YOU ARE NAKED GOING TO SCHOOL, BUT WITHOUT THE EMBARRASSMENT OR CONFUSION.

DON'T WORRY THOUGH... I'M NOT GOING TO THREATEN TO SEND ANY OF YOU A BOUQUET OF PENCILS.

OMGWTF!

SO I'M PLAING IN MY POOL LEAGUE LAST NIGHT AND REALLY AM A MISERABLE FAILURE. HOW DO I GET MYSELF TO SHUT UP AND PLAY WITHOUT STANDING THERE AND TRYING TO FIGURE OUT THE REASON I COULDN'T HIT WATER IF I FELL OUT OF A FUCKING BOAT?

JUST RIGHTLY, I ENDED UP SINGING KARAOKE AND GETTING A LITTLE TOO LOOPY! NOTHING WRONG WITH A LITTLE RED CORVETTE AND GOOD FRIENDS.

WELL, IN THE END, HOW CAN YOU EXPECT TO PLAY WELL WHEN YOU NEVER PRACTICE ANYWAY? AFTER ALL, THE BEST PLAYERS IN THE LEAGUE ARE RETIRED OLD GUYS.

THIS IS MY TRIBUTE TO THE BLOGGER OMGWTF, AND HER RANTINGS ON THE LIFE OF A POOL PLAYER. SEEING AS SHE WROTE A BLOG ON A PLAYER SHE CALLS PURPLE PANTS. I THINK I PLAYED HIM LAST NIGHT... I WISH I HAD THE AUDACITY I DID 10 YEARS AGO. AND A FEW LESS SHOTS.